


Sky Full of Stars

by addicted_tothe_shindig (trashchild_98), Rainbow_Commander



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Explicit Language, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Suicide, Semi-Graphic Depictions of Corpse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-02-29 20:53:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18786010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashchild_98/pseuds/addicted_tothe_shindig, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbow_Commander/pseuds/Rainbow_Commander
Summary: Life can be tough, unfair, and horrible, but it can be less horrible if your number one is always there for you. Growing up together, Rick is the definition of this for Shane.





	1. summer skeletons

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this was originally something I was writing for an english class of mine but I decided to go rogue and put it up on here woot. This is centered around Rick and Shane's lives over the years they spend together, and the struggles ~~I put my poor trashcan son through~~ Shane goes through, as the story is told from his point of view.  
> Disclaimer: I'm probably gonna make this angsty af, as you can tell from the tags so you have been warned.  
> This is also the first fic I've ever posted, so let me know if you like it! Or if you don't, thats okay too :P

 

Hell. If Shane could use one word to describe the past few days it would be that word. He guessed it could describe the past few years, in fact. He wasn’t going to make a big fuss about it, though. It wasn’t nothing he couldn’t fix. Shane was good at that, fixing things.

Hell was fitting not only because it described his home without his mama there, but it’d also been hotter than the devil’s armpit lately. 

Shane fidgeted in his chair, picking at the scab on his knee, trying not to make eye contact with the other boy who’d just marched through the County Sheriff’s office doors like he lived there.

“Dad, you in there?”

Apparently that was why. Shane had noticed him before in the hallways at school, but he’d never cared enough to talk to the kid. Shane couldn’t hear their conversation, but the Sheriff sent his son back out after ruffling his hair, probably telling him to leave his office door open.

_Probably doesn’t trust me not to book it first chance I get._

 

Instead of eyeing Shane cautiously like so many other kids at school did- not that Shane paid attention to any of them- he sat down right next to him and immediately tried to engage him.

“My daddy says you’re lost, or missin’. Where’d you come from?”

Shane just stared at the floor, trying to ignore him.

“I just came from school, it’s down the road over that way. Course I’ll have to start riding the bus to King County Middle next year. Do you go to school there?”

Shane found himself staring at a spot over on the wall with intense interest. _Maybe if I don’t say anything, he’ll go away._

“Your face is funny lookin’. What happened to your nose?”

Funny looking? Shane couldn’t let that go without at least trying to defend his dignity. He didn’t feel like explaining himself or wasting his breath, so he made something up, “Nothin’. I tripped.”

The other boy gave a good natured chuckle, “You _tripped_ on your _nose_? Alright then. What were you doin’ that for?” Shane glared at him and immediately shot back, “Out lookin’ for my mama.”

 

The boy’s eyes were open and honest, blue and clear as the summer sky outside. These eyes didn’t seem to judge Shane at all, which is exactly what made him so suspicious.

“Oh, if she’s lost too my daddy can help, cause he’s the sheriff and all.”

Shane didn’t need any help, that would just slow him down. He could do this all by himself, it was his mama anyway. This kid wouldn't stop running his mouth, “He helps everybody. Says it’s our duty to look after others and keep ‘em safe. What’s your daddy do?”

“Jack shit.”

There was an awkward pause before the boy simply let out an, “Oh.”

Shane ran a hand over his face and through his hair, his forehead slick with sweat, “Yeah. That’s why I’m lookin’ for my mama. She needs to come back home.”

“Like I said, my daddy can-”

“I don’t want _your daddy’s_ help. He’s makin’ me wait here ‘til mine shows up. Then I have to start my search all over again- I got so far this time too.” Whenever Shane’s dad showed up, there was gonna be hell to pay. Part of him wished his old man would never show up at all, just leave him there.

 

The boy shrugged, Shane automatically arching an eyebrow at his reply, “Well, what if I help you instead?”

_This kid? Help me? Maybe when hell freezes over._

He didn’t seem to sense Shane’s mood, or he chose to ignore it, as he replied, “C’mon. You’ll cover more ground with the two of us. Plus I’ve got my bike! With my help, you can find her in no time.”

Shane scratched his chin like he’d seen his daddy do. Maybe this was something important to consider after all. He eyed his newfound volunteer warily, wondering if he had any tricks up his sleeve.

The boy grinned big like he knew him already, like they’d just discovered buried treasure together or something, “I won’t tell anyone, don’t you worry.”  

Shane considered this offer. The kid had shown tons of commitment already just getting Shane to talk to him. Maybe having a dedicated partner wouldn’t be so bad. “Fine. I guess you can help me. On one condition, though.”

“What’s that?”

Shane felt his stomach grumble as he replied, “Gimme whatever’s in your lunchbox.” Immediately, his new partner started opening his lunch without a complaint. “Alright, fine. But how come?”

Shane idly fanned himself, plucking at his shirt collar, “It was real hot out there past couple days and I forgot to pack any juice.” The boy’s eyes grew concerned, “Did you say days? How long were you missing for?”

Shane averted his gaze, worrying his teeth against his lip in silence as he clenched one of his hands into a fist.

 

The kid seemed to understand when to stop pushing, since all he said was, “Hm. Well, I’ve got a juice box right in there. You can have my chocolate bar too. Might be a little melted though.” Much to Shane’s surprise, the boy plopped the lunchbox right on his lap. _Chocolate bar?_ _This kid really wants to help no matter the price._

Shane glanced up at him, “You’re real serious about this, ain’t you...”

That look of pure confusion on the boy’s face almost made Shane start laughing. He was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to laugh, though. The kid’s eyes were bewildered, “What do you mean?” Shane scrubbed his hands through his hair, curling from the humidity, as he shrugged, “Just wondering why you’re bein’ so nice to me.”

“Well, why not? You’re thirsty, just take it.” This kid seemed to trust him too easily. If Shane’s learned anything in his nine and a half years and it was that you couldn’t trust anyone if they hadn’t earned it. Loyalty had to be built on, not pulled out of someone’s ass. “But why do you wanna help me at all? You… don’t know me.” In the back of his head, Shane thought that if this kid knew where he came from he wouldn’t be helping him.

 

“My daddy helps strangers all the time. Like he says, it’s our duty to look after others and keep ‘em safe. That’s what I’m doin’. ‘Sides, you don’t seem that bad.”

Shane sighed, resigning himself to his fate. He replied with a half-hearted last ditch effort at keeping the other boy at arm’s length, “But you don’t even know my name.”

His blue eyes lit up like a sky full of stars when he laughed, and it reminded Shane of his mama. He stuck out his hand with a natural confidence Shane envied, “I could say the same to you. I’m Rick. What’s your name?”

He grabbed Rick’s hand in his own, giving it a firm shake, “I’m Shane.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Rick sounded like he was born with those manners— in Shane's case, he figured they weren't all that useful to him lately. 

Shane hesitantly picked up the juice pouch, stabbing it with the straw, tongue chasing it to soak up all the juice, draining the pouch in seconds.

 

Rick watched him, that look of concern back in his eyes, this time mingling with hardened determination, “Shane, we’re gonna find your mama, I know we will. We can start looking tomorrow after I get out of school.” He added hurriedly, “Oh wait, you know where King County Elementary is?”

_What does he think I am, some delinquent?_ _Just cause his daddy’s all suspicious ‘bout me_. “Course I do, I go there too. You think I’m just some dumb kid who don’t go to school?”

“Of _course_ not, why else would you have tripped on your nose?”

“You better shut up if you don’t want your nose to end up lookin’ like mine.”


	2. can't imagine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rainbow_Commander you've read this so many times and helped me edit it for weeks so just a shout out to you! Thanks for helping me out!
> 
> This one took me a lot longer than last time :P I'm probably going to continue to agonize over even the tiniest of word choice even after I've posted this, and I figured I would've done that forever so I just decided to update it. I’ve had so many ideas, I wasn’t even sure how to fit them all in here so this chapter’s a little longer. I tried to get the angst to cuteness ratio just right so let me know if you like it! Thanks everyone :p

 

_ Mama, are you there? _

The emptiness was tangible outside without the constant chirping of cicadas and crickets, the river all but deserted by the usual laughter of children splashing in the water. The quiet around Shane heavily contrasted with all of the thoughts rushing through his head. The only thing he could hear now in the dead of winter was the whip of yellow caution tape as it rustled, cold wind catching at the ends of it.

Shane sat in his usual spot on the old railroad bridge just outside King County. He kicked his legs absentmindedly over the open water, the way he would if he were swimming. In fact, he  _ did  _ swim in those waters, even after his mama disappeared.

He and Rick had made their way through those woods and down that dusty dirt path dozens of times. When they were kids, they’d always lazed in the shallow waters bordering the shore, needing a break from their fruitless search party as they baked under the hot summer sun.

Shane tried to hide a shudder at the memory now. As he stared at the stagnant, frigid depths, his jaw twitched.

He crossed his arms and hooked them over the cable railing— the only thing keeping him from slipping off into the unending chasm below.

Every time he came here, Shane couldn’t help remembering the day his mama was found. For all of 1989, the only thing he could see when he closed his eyes was her face. Not the one she wore while she was teaching him how to cook pancakes for breakfast, and not the one she had when she picked him up from school. The face Shane saw burnt onto the back of his eyelids was out of a nightmare, blue skin pruned, bloated and rotting. It was completely foreign to him, yet if he imagined it he could still make out his mama in the decayed empty husk the police had unearthed from the water all those years ago.

The thought of it turned Shane’s stomach. He remembered Rick trying to hold him back, trying to block his view so he wouldn’t see them lifting her into the body bag from the shore. Back then when he was just a kid, he remembered blaming his father, spending months thinking he’d done it. The anger he felt when he finally lashed out was powerful, baring his teeth as if ready to rip and tear out the man’s throat like he’d wanted to for so long.

Looking back on it, Shane could pinpoint the exact moment when he should’ve realized the truth. All of the anger and accusations were met with his old man dropping to the ground, sobbing brokenly. Shane had never been able to think of anything else that ever brought his father to his knees, crying the way he did. The only reason Shane hadn’t put the pieces together sooner was because the truth had been too hard to face, so he ignored it.

It had taken years, but Shane had since stopped wondering why his mama did what she did. Now, he thought he finally knew the answer. The night terrors had stopped too for the most part, but every once in a while, he’d dream of her. Not of her death, but of her driving up to the high school parking lot and telling him to hop in as if she’d never left him. Her hair was always swept back, showing off her laughter lines when she smiled.

Reality had always been a hard pill to swallow, as Shane usually preferred dreaming in this case. The top of Shane’s flask peeked out of his varsity jacket pocket, reminding Shane of what he’d come here for.

 

“Hey.”

 

Shane took a swig before twisting around to face the owner of the voice that startled him out of his thoughts, “Hey yourself.”

Of course— Rick always knew where to look for him lately whether it was out here by the water, or buried alive in his own head. Shane couldn’t look him in the eye, watching as Rick dug the toe of his boot into a small patch of dirty ice on the ground.

“I couldn’t find you, so I figured you mighta’ left the party early.”

Shane normally would’ve been happy to stay until the alcohol ran dry at the end-of-season party with his team, surrounded by girls falling all over him, everyone drunk as hell. But not today. He’d shown his face for a little while to keep up appearances. After all, the smartass, mischievous star of the football team couldn’t really miss a party. Especially if it was the last one the team threw before he graduated.

 Rick sat down next to him, scooting close enough that their knees touched. He kept his tone a bit lighter, in contrast to the palpable heaviness in the air, “I knew you’d be here.”

 Shane gave a sigh of defeat, offering the flask to Rick, who surprisingly accepted it. He wasn’t especially one for drinking, but on today of all days, he supposed Rick felt obligated. Shane, on the other hand, might snag anything he could get his hands on. He took another swig, his father's Jack Daniels burning his throat.

He braced himself against the gust of wind that jostled his jacket, fingers twitching anxiously. Some time alone to pray to his mama about things would’ve been nice, wish her a happy birthday and all, but Rick had followed him all the way out here the second he’d been able to sneak off. Lately he hadn’t been able to get much space to himself with Rick constantly trailing behind him.

 

_ Sorry mama, you know Rick these days. Always so goddamn concerned about me. I guess I would be too, if he were in my shoes. Still though. He’s real stuck on me, I think. Kinda annoying, but I guess it’s fine. Besides, I’m real stuck on him too. _

__

Shane glanced over at Rick, "Apparently you did. Ain’t  _ that _ predictable, am I?"

 Rick nudged him with his shoulder, "Eh, sure you are. Just as bad as when we were kids. Might even be worse now." His friend had a playful lilt to his voice, trying to distract him. From what, Shane wasn’t sure since there were too many options. His memories? His mom? His dad? Come to think, Rick spent quite a bit of his time distracting Shane recently. He appreciated it, but he really did just come out here for some peace and quiet. Shane had some pretty important stuff to tell his mama.

 Even so, what was the harm in humoring him? Might make things more bearable. With a smirk and a light-hearted challenge to his tone, Shane replied, "Yeah? And just how bad was I, hm?"

"Bad enough that my dad had to ask you to stop tossin’ gravel and wood chips at my window  _ every _ time you wanted me to come out,” Shane scoffed as Rick continued, “He was probably just afraid one day it was gonna be a big rock or a baseball. Which, y’know, was right up your alley, I guess."

Now that was just insulting, Shane wouldn’t stand for even the joking insinuation that he’d break a Grimes’ window. He had lightly vandalized other houses as a kid though, but that was just for fun…

Okay so maybe Mr. Grimes had a point. This realization didn’t stop Shane from raising his eyebrow what felt like multiple feet high, "Oh c’mon, I ain't  _ that _ reckless. ‘Sides, if ya’ll thought it’d be a baseball one day, wouldn’t that be a surprise? Maybe I ain’t that predictable after all, an’ your ass just don’t wanna admit it.”

Rick caved faster than Shane thought he would’ve as he shrugged, “Alright, we’ll have it your way. But if you ain’t more predictable like we thought, you’re at least  _ way _ more trouble than you used to be- got a crazy legacy left behind in those halls.” Shane had always been getting in and out of trouble, skirting around the consequences and still landing on his feet every time. He’d pulled more than a few pranks in his lifetime, but he definitely knew which two Rick might’ve been referencing just based on his tone. 

Shane tried to back himself up, “Alright, alright Grimes, but you tell me- who was nearly pissing his pants laughin’ in the hallway cause of that damn chicken prank? Hm? All that, and who was nearly havin’ a stroke? Or lung failure, I dunno which. You can’t tell me my shit wasn’t comedy gold.”

Rick sighed big and loud, all noisy and over-exaggerated. He rolled his eyes, nudging his boot gently against Shane’s shoe. Shane didn’t miss the way Rick tucked his leg a bit behind his own, hooking their ankles. After a minute, Rick looked over at him resignedly as Shane grinned at him for the first time that night, his eyes glittering, “Mmhm. That’s what I thought. C’mon, you can laugh, I’m funny as shit n’ you know it. I’ve got my ways.”

A warm hand jostled Shane’s shoulder as his friend complained, “Better hope your  _ ways _ don’t get you expelled before we graduate, or else my ass is gonna have to find a new lab partner.” Shane scoffed, but he could feel the space inside his chest swelling with something.

Instead of making another comment, Shane decided not to fully engage with Rick this time, hoping his friend would remain silent now so he could pray to his mama without any more distraction. The companionship had been more than appreciated, but he wanted to get back into the introspective mood he’d been in before he was sabotaged. Or helped? He wasn’t sure which. However, he did feel pretty sure that he needed peace and quiet to pray to his mama and give her the respect and love she deserves. 

Gradually, and almost painfully, Shane untangled their legs and scooted a few inches away from Rick to give himself room to breathe. This, of course, received an inquisitive look from his friend. Shane had honestly felt his privacy stripped from him by good intentions more and more recently, with Rick following him around everywhere since last spring.

“Shane…?”

Shane shrugged with a humorless breath of a chuckle at Rick’s pointed look, “I dunno man...I dunno what to say. I appreciate you comin’ out here, but I know why you did. I wasn’t gonna do anything dangerous. I just wanna pray to my mama on her birthday, that’s all. But it seems like you just wanna, what, distract me? And I get it, but you didn’t have to follow me. That’s not what I’m doin’ here.”

“I wasn’t following you  _ per say _ , I was just checkin’ on you to make sure-”

“No, Rick, you were. Let's  cut the crap. It’s like you don’t think you can trust me. Lately I can’t even go to the damn bathroom by myself, like you wanna hold it while I piss or somethin’? Do you think I’m crazy, Rick? Do you think without you, I’ll just-”

The minute he saw Rick’s face fall, he fiercely regretted the words that spilled out of him on impulse.  _ Damn it, Rick, with the sad eyes. Always gets me. _

Shane scrubbed a hand over his face, through his unkempt curls, pinching the bridge of his nose as he backpedaled, “Fuck. Brother, you know I didn’t mean- I’m sorry, man, I’m just,”

As Shane continued to nervously babble mildly apologetic sounding words, he noticed Rick start to get up.

He got halfway there when Shane grabbed the pocket of his friend’s winter coat and latched his hand on to keep Rick there. Shane was disgusted with the desperation he heard in his own voice as he stuttered out, “W-Wait, wait, hey- look, I’m sorry, I really am. Just- Just stay. Please, Rick.”

His friend sighed harshly, frustration creeping into his voice as he replied, “You know I’m only tryin’ to help. I’m worried about you, and I have the right to be. After what happened last year...” Rick looked out onto the water, face contorted with worry as he crossed his arms, “I guess I’m still afraid of what you’d do if I let you outta’ my sights. Especially today. After everything we’ve been through, is that so damn unreasonable?” Shane heard such equal amounts of despair and urgency in his friend’s voice that it gave him physical full-body  _ pain. _

Shane kept his eyes down at his lap as he chewed his lower lip anxiously, “No…guess not.” After that night last year on this same bridge, Shane knew for sure what his choice was. He’d found out he wanted to live. Shane guessed it was just something that had to happen, because otherwise he would’ve never known. Maybe to know he’d wanted life, it had to nearly slip out of his grasp.

Rick sighed and settled back down next to his friend, much to Shane’s relief. Maybe having someone sit next to him as he prayed to his mama wouldn’t be that bad. With Rick’s shoulder pressing firm into his own, it might even be better than he thought.

Shane cocked his head trying to meet Rick’s eyes, following his gaze with a coaxing tenderness to his voice as he tried convincing his friend how perfectly fine everything was.

“Hey, you listen to me, brother. I know you’re scared, but you gotta let me worry about that shit, alright? S’okay.” Rick met his eyes and swallowed, and Shane could see the doubt in them clear as day. “I know I’m bein’ an asshole about this, since you’re just gonna worry about me anyway. But Rick, this…you gotta trust me on this, for once.” Rick’s gaze faltered, eyes shining guiltily.

Shane pressed a hand against Rick’s upper back, “Please. I need you with me on this, Rick.”

He murmured in a quieter voice, “You know I do.”

Rick sighed, “I know.” He gently nudged his boot back around Shane’s shoe, linking their ankles again, “I’m here for you, Shane. I trust you.”

A lengthy pause turned into an indeterminate amount of time, Shane having no clue how long they’d been there, quiet and in thought. As he leaned against Rick, massaging his fingers on the spot between Rick’s shoulder blades, he found it strange that he paid attention to the way he smelled. Even stranger that it was comforting, and that Shane didn’t want to leave if it meant he’d have to stop sharing this space with him.

Bile rose to the back of Shane’s throat when it dawned on him how dangerous these thoughts were. As soon as he’d been aware of them, he’d tried to push them back down far enough where they couldn’t reach him anymore. Sometimes, the thoughts would stubbornly resurface and refuse to back down. Yet another one of Shane’s many ongoing internal crises.

_ Mama, do you think you would’ve liked Rick if you’d ever met him? Maybe if I tell you what he’s really like. He’s actually pretty okay for an asshole- not that I’d ever tell him that. I mean he’s annoying as hell, that’s for sure. And you can bet your ass I tell him so every morning on the way to school. Lately, as you can see, he’s been followin’ me around, always fussin’ over me and carryin’ on. Ain’t usually this way, though. He’s a pussy cause he never wants to drink with me, but he’ll drink with that Lori at all the parties. So hard to pull him away from her sometimes, I almost feel bad doin’ it. He acts so smart and level-headed that it’s irritating, and he  _ almost _ never gets mad at me, not even when I deserve it. He likes to play the good guy like that, as you can rightly tell. He can be kinda insensitive though, and real stubborn. Even with all that, his heart’s still more fragile than you think. He shares his heart with everybody. He’s got so much determination and hope, it’s all so breakable and naive. _

Shane sighed audibly, and he felt himself shaking like the withered leaves in the trees above. He looked up to the moon as if it had all the answers to his unasked questions.

_ All that shit, and I still can’t imagine my life without him. Hell, I don’t think I’ll ever want to. _

Shane felt a dull ache in his chest as his trembling subsided— it was probably just because of the winter weather. Or the alcohol. Definitely nothing else. He desperately needed it to be nothing else, because his thoughts were starting to scare him again. But this time, it was different.

Shane snorted after a while, when he finally thought of a reply to what Rick said, “Y’know what else you are, besides bein’ here for me an’ all?” He felt Rick startle at his words, revealing how long it’d been since anyone had spoken.

“What’s that?”

“Rank. You smell like a fuckin’ barn, man.” The elbow jab was so immediate that it almost surprised Shane, a tiny grin on his face. He felt Rick kick their legs together and then heard a mocking mutter of, “And you act like you were raised in one, man you are such an asshole. It took you  _ that _ long to come up with that?”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> One other thing to add: I have a lot of headcanons for my complex boi about how he grew up and the stuff he's been through, just wanted to say it gives me all the feels and that I'm v excited to be writing this because I wanna see if other people have these headcanons too! Lemme know :p


End file.
